


The True Self

by hologramblue



Category: Shin Megami Tensei Series, 真女神転生IV FINAL | Shin Megami Tensei IV: Apocalypse
Genre: Alternate Universe - Persona Fusion, Gen, Shadows (Persona 4)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-09-30 05:21:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10154696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hologramblue/pseuds/hologramblue
Summary: A foolproof path to Salvation; split desire from the soul like the hull from a grain of rice.Desires are vicious things, with teeth, and with sickly yellow eyes.(SMTIVA Persona-4-esque AU.)





	1. Asahi

**_You there! Can you see me?_ **

_who tf is this_

**_You may call me Navarre. Now look up and answer the question._ **

_navarre the dead guy_

_haha wtf that’s messed up. im gonna show this to his brother and your gonna get your ass kicked_

**_NO, what is the matter with you?? Just look up!_ **

_ok w/e_

_wtf_

**_I’ll repeat myself. Can you see me?_ **

_uh yeah what the fuck_

_is this for real are you ghost texting me_

**_FINALLY!_ **

-

The rumor goes like this:

You receive text messages from an unidentified number. The person on the other end knows all your secrets, all your hidden desires, everything that would ruin you if it came to light.

If the conversation goes well, it vanishes from your phone and from the network, as though nothing had ever happened. You tell nobody what was said, if you tell anyone anything at all.

If the conversation goes poorly, the full text appears in the inbox of everyone you know and too many you don’t. It spreads like a virus, passed around and picked over by many hands. Your world crumbles.

You disappear.

Friends hear from you in your absence. The messages they receive sound like you, but not _quite_ \- mockingbird words delivered to their phone with a cheery buzz, raw and unsettling, a conversation with a doppelgänger.

When, finally, you reappear in the world, it’s as a corpse.

-

The golden-eyed thing wearing your face doesn’t bother materializing as words on the screen of your phone, or gathering an audience to attend your destruction. It just slips into your dreams uninvited, like a cat sauntering through the door, and makes itself at home.

“You wanna see something cool?” it whispers. The way it sits on your chair - a boring, normal little thing, came with the desk - it could be a throne. Your double is a king with a half-shaved head instead of a crown.

It leans in and grabs your shoulder with an ease you could never muster. You’re an awkward thing around other people, reaching out the way a dog with mittens walks.

Its hand is warm and real.

“Let’s go on a little adventure.”

-

_**1 new message from Asahi** _

_**Attached text log: wannabe hero!** _

-

The Asahi on the ground, with her arms around her knees and her hair hanging over her face, looks nothing like the Asahi up on a gleaming pedestal, wrapped in a cape tattered just _so_ and a suit of armor that's more decorative than protective and wearing a yellow-eyed sneer on top of all of that. One for the real world, one for a video game. A student, and a hero.

Navarre scoffs. "Her taste is horrific. The cape serves no purpose at all, especially in that state. Mine, at least, had fashion sense."

It's cruel, but - true, actually, you think. Not the part about Navarre's Shadow, just the part about the cape. Asahi wails something into her elbows in reply and folds them more tightly across her head. If it's a protest, it's a lie. You've lived in a house with her belongings and her tastes for too many years to accept this seventh-grade image of an adventurer as anything but her own mind's creation.

"This is _great!_ " the double laughs, picking up where it left off without missing a beat. "Nanashi's here, he's got a mysterious friend - you should be thanking me, this is the most interesting thing that's _ever_ happened to either of us!"

The real Asahi's reply is muffled, her discomfort thick as fog in the room. You wonder, as you watch her double lift a hand to its ear and roll its eyes, if it would do any good to go and stand by her. For all you care about her - maybe more so because of it - it's tempting to turn around, look away, brace yourself to go on pretending this never happened.

"Okay, pipe up or shut up, come on now." It folds its arms and starts to pace, back and forth. " _No, no, it's not true!_ Yeah, right. Look. I know it, you know it, real life is _boring_. You get through elementary school thinking you're gonna be an astronaut when you grow up, but once you start looking at universities, you realize it just doesn't _happen_ like that. You want to do something worthwhile? Better slog through a decade of boring _crap_ first."

It's such a mundane concern, you think. Asahi's lifted her face from her arms - it's blotchy red, with embarrassed tears.

"So why even _bother?_ I'm done! I'm sick of it." The double turns abruptly and marches down from the raised platform. Before you know what to do, it's come right up to you and seized your wrist. There's a small commotion from Asahi's direction, but you're stuck in place by the double's poison-yellow stare, feeling an answering pair of eyes peer out from somewhere back in your head. "I don't need you," it continues, smugly. "You and your _trying_ , all the pointless junk you put us through trying to be a good little wonder girl when you _know_ we'd be happier going after some _accomplishment_ and not worrying about how real it is or isn't. Nanashi and I are going home to have some fun for once. _You,_ " she points across the room, "get to stay here."

You don't need Navarre's frantic gestures to understand what a bad proposal that is.

Asahi surges to her feet. "Wait," she gasps, looking lost and frantic. "No, you're not!"

"Try and stop me," it laughs, and pulls on your arm. You yank back. It feels like it could be any normal squabble between the two of you, except that you're in some kind of internet hell and the sky is green.

Asahi stomps forward and grabs her double by the arms, pulling you along with it. This time, you give into the urge to not look straight at her wet eyes and expression of fury. You stare at Navarre, who's staring in turn at the lookalike pair, and listen to the unfolding spat.

"Get your hands _off_ of him!"

"What are you gonna do, punch me?"

"Try me!"

"Be my guest! Get in a _bit_ of fun before I walk out without you. _I am a Shadow, the true self,_ and you can't push me around anymore."

"So _what?!_ " 

The Shadow's silence is as confused as you. You look back to them. There's something guarded in its expression, and something unfamiliar over Asahi, some kind of ungraceful sense of resignation that unsettles you. It feels sort of like accidentally walking in on her when she has too few clothes on - too private, too real, too far beyond your concept of her.

"So you're me! Okay!" Asahi shakes her double again by the upper arms, face redder and angrier and streaming more tears than before. Her voice squawks a little on the high notes. It's intimidating and you cannot pinpoint why. "Why the hell does that mean I have to stay here? And probably die!"

"Because _you've_ had all these years to give me what I want or let me go, and you didn't." The Shadow's anger is indignant and smoldering in return. "You just keep me around for fantasies and leave me hanging, and I said I'm _done._ "

"You are - such a _child!_ "

It arches an eyebrow at her, incredulous.

"Yes! You! Meaning me! You can't just - _ohh_ , I can't believe you're making me agree with Dad! You're being a _brat_ and we have _so much_ growing up to do! And yeah," she cuts off the Shadow as it opens its mouth to interject, "I 'keep you around' or whatever, because there's nothing wrong with just - _dreaming_ sometimes! What would be the _point_ of taking the long way there if I didn't want to _go_ anywhere in the first place?!"

The outburst is as much a shock to Asahi as it is to you, if you're reading her expression right. The Shadow has stopped completely, face stony, arms at its sides. " _She has it!_ " Navarre hisses into your ears. Hope dares to flutter in your chest - like warming up frozen hands, it reawakens the stress knotted up there, aching.

"So," she says, quieter now and sounding a little dizzy, "let's just - let's _both_ go. You get back into me, I guess I throw you a bone every now and then, and nobody dies?"

It tips its head at her, brows furrowed. When it speaks, it's hushed too. "I am a Shadow," it recites, a note of uncertainty under its tongue, "the true self."

Asahi pats it on the shoulders. "Yeah, you're me. That's - yep. So -"

It vanishes. There's a blue light where it was, and something like a card, and looking at it makes a sharp pain spark between your eyes. Something fractured, something almost but not quite meant to be, a glitch in the course of your life -

You watch your sister reach out and catch it, blinking in faint awe.

_Persona_ , she whispers almost too quiet to hear, and then faints dead away.


	2. Nozomi

The pair who appear from nowhere, to dispatch a lesser shadow, sling Asahi's arms over their shoulders, and haul her to the exit - they're university students, you think, or old enough to be. They introduce themselves as Flynn and Isabeau.

Flynn gives you a strange, lingering, almost puzzled look as you part ways. It's only fair - you've been staring at him since he turned to face a featureless wall and flickered briefly out of existence near the exit of this world.

Asahi takes two days to recover from her abduction. She doesn't stop talking about Isabeau the entire time.

-

> **Pythia  
>  Star Arcana**  
>  Str Fire, Wk Ice, Nul Expel
> 
> Agi, Dia, Patra
> 
> _"The title given to the oracle and chief priestess of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi. She received inspiration from the sun god by inhaling sweet fumes, and delivered prophecies in a trance. The oracle was widely respected in her time, and was consulted on the outcomes of wars and major life decisions."_

-

You don't see your shadow for those two days after Asahi's return. It comes back the same day she starts going to class again, hauling your dreams back into that double of your room and sulking on your dream-bed. You have to hover at the other end of the room and pretend it's not there to get any rest.

One night it breaks its silence. It rolls over and asks, dully, "Was it fun?"

You ask it what the hell it's talking about.

It throws a pillow at you and says, "Saving her, dumbass."

Of course it wasn't. Having your siblings abducted, humiliated, and threatened isn't fun.

" _Liar,_ " it mutters, glaring out the window at the full moon.

-

**_1 new message from Unknown Contact_ **

**_Attached text log: poor lost puppy_ **

-

You and Navarre, between your crowbar and his odd, ghostly powers, had found Asahi in no time.

Even with Asahi at your side, healing your wounds and torching lesser Shadows, your classmate's dungeon is a _nightmare_. You go in thinking he'll be home by eleven; you come out bruised in every way and feeling suddenly much less the invincible hero you thought this rescue mission would make you.

Asahi looks even worse, less bruised and more _drained_.

You needle her. "You look like a vampire got to you." You meant to cheer her up, but she shoves you, and the circles under her eyes don't get any lighter.

"This isn't working," she sighs into her lunch. The city from the rooftop doesn't look like one plagued by cellphone demon kidnappers, and the school doesn't feel like one that nearly lost a student two weeks ago. Both things are starting to get under your skin, because Asahi doesn't sound like the person she used to be, and it gives you the weirdest feeling of slipping out of step with time. "The further in we go, the more shadows there are, and we're already..."

She trails off and jabs a piece of chicken with her chopsticks, not trying to pick it up. "And Isabeau's already got someone to save." The possibility that someone could die within days, simply because you'd tried and you hadn't been enough to prevent it, hangs low and heavy over the both of you like a dark curtain. You glance up, feeling claustrophobic. The sun shines down obliviously.

-

**_2 new messages from Unknown Contact + Asahi_ **

****_Hey, this is Nozomi, a friend of Flynn and Isabeau's._  
_She said you guys have a school project you need help with?_  
_I'll be around tomorrow if you want to drop by and check out my photography work._  
**_Attached maps link: Here's my address._**

-

Nozomi's apartment has a set of children's toys under the television, but only one, adult-sized pair of shoes by the door beside yours' and Asahi's.

"My niece," she explains after you're seated around the table, when she catches you looking. "I look after her sometimes." You think she looks awfully young to be someone's aunt, but you also don't have a mother, so maybe your scale for that kind of thing is off.

You also expected a photographer to have more photos around, maybe on the walls or framed on counters, but aside from the tripod propped against the wall, the living room could belong to anyone. Asahi nudges you in the ribs and sets her phone on the table. You focus. Nozomi is scrolling through your classmate's mocking text log and frowning.

"Man," she sighs, "this again?" You wonder what _again_ means.

Asahi threads her fingers together. "It's been four days."

Nozomi's eyebrows jump. She catches your eye; you look away, feeling like you've had your pages flipped open and your text skimmed over.

"Say no more, sister. I'm coming along for the ride, let's get this kid out of there."

-

The "kid" is your age, of course, and you still can't tell how old Nozomi is, even after an hour spent explaining the situation in the other world and reviewing your schedules to find a time when you can head out together. She talks like she's trying to be young, until she talks _to_ you, and then you get the sense of a gulf of experience between you and her. When she looks you in the eye, and one corner of her mouth turns up, and she says _"I've got you, and we've got this,"_ before seeing you out the door with an appointment to meet tomorrow in the other world, it's easy to believe her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No shadow for Nozomi! She's already been through this nonsense.
> 
> Since the premise of this fic was really just "let's assign shadows/personas/arcana to the SMTIVA cast", I don't have that much of a plot propping this up. There's a few twists and/or character concepts I want to run through, but this is mostly just going to be one chapter per character that hits whatever they've got going on, and then a profile for their persona in the next chapter. I'm not a dedicated enough writer to really expound on, like social link stuff...and Nanashi isn't exactly in a position for those to, uh, happen, yet. So.
> 
> Nozomi in this AU: naturally, she's the oldest member of the team. She already has a persona, having manifested it in the same incident or series of incidents that awakened Flynn and Isabeau. Is in contact with her estranged brother's ex-girlfriend, and helps look after her daughter; her work as a freelance photographer gives her somewhat flexible hours. Reconciling with the family her brother abandoned gave her a new resolve when her creative momentum began to flag, and though she's busier now than she ever has been, her photography is also better than ever.
> 
> Isabeau in this AU: her persona is Jeanne d'Arc of the Wheel of Fortune arcana. Thought she was going to lead an unexceptional life; went into political science in university after experiencing persona-related incidents in high school that also awakened a latent sense of duty.
> 
> Flynn in this AU: is still the resident distressed damsel. You may be able to guess his arcana. I currently have no idea what his persona is.
> 
> The other SMTIV characters in this AU: I'll get to that, probably.

**Author's Note:**

> "But you already have an unfinished AU-"
> 
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ inspiration for character shadows waits for no one


End file.
